12 Lessons from

Big Thinkers

in Small Bodies

By Lu Hanessian

1. 1.   Let me humble you.   
   

    Mom, I know you’re trying to do this “right,” but sometimes, I can see things about you that you can’t in the moment. Like, for example, when you’re rushing around all anxious and you’re telling me to hurry up and move it and I feel anxious too, so sometimes I slow down, not to irritate you, but because I want you to...slow...do-o-own...and be less anxious. Know what I mean?

2. 2.   See things from where I stand.
   

3. 3. Allow me to hold up a mirror to you. 
   

      

4. 4. Heal your wounds so I don’t have to re-live them.      
   

        The story you bring to parenthood is not really mine, is it? Isn’t that why you get so upset with me for interrupting you, but 

even though it’s not the end of the world? You didn’t feel heard when you were little, so you think I’m silencing your voice

too? And when I don’t “listen” to you, you think I’m telling you that you don’t count? None of that is true for me...but I can

see that you are really sensitive to certain issues.. The thing is, I can’t do anything to heal it for you. So, I’ll keep doing

things that you think are coming from me, without me knowing it. I’m not a psychologist...(that’s a joke, Mom) and I’m not

your parent. And I know you are smart enough to figure out what still hurts, so you can heal it and I don’t have to feel it.                                                

5. 5. Release me from the burden of your guilt.
   

        

6.    Understand my full range of emotion.

7. Love me without (with less) fear. 

8.    Parent me as an advocate, not a judge.

9.    Preserve who I am. 

10. 10.Know that our relationship is what shapes me, not rigid rules.
    

11. 11.  Even in our healthiest attachment, respect that I am still a separate person.
    

12. 12.  Let me raise you as you raise me. 
    

Copyright 2007, Lu Hanessian